Death Says Yes Here

10:47pm: Doesn't it fucking suck when you want someone and can't have them? It's very frustrating.

1:41pm:

You scored as Hel. </td> Odin 80% Njord 80% Hel 80% Frigg 70% Freya 70% Heimdall 60% Bragi 60% Loki 60% Skadi 60% Freyr 50% Balder 40% Thor 40% Sif 40% Tyr 20% Which Norse God or Goddess are you most like? created with QuizFarm.com

9:42am: I am tired :( My day of work has yet to begun. The apartment's still a mess, and we need furniture :( I have no counter space. But last night we had tacos. Tacos are good to have with no counter space. So, we had tacos. I have a new counsellor. She's nice. I miss my other one though because he was there through a bad part in time for me. But, I guess life just sucks that way. And I haven't fully set up my space kinda thing. So, yeah after work that's what we have to do.

1:59pm: Hideous amounts of nothing
lying around
this earth made of dead bodies
and nothing else

dying muse of light
this earth reeks of bright

crying over pools of water
making life reach this slaughter

reach out to death's caress
the nakedness of the end

make love to the darkness inside
be one with it in fleeting light

12:47am: duuuude..... we so performed invader zim theme song today... doomy epic piano with two distorted guitars :) nah the piano sucked... actually what happened was i started late ... and anyhow, i got it together and all but afterwards, the teacher was like "Ari you need to make check the tempo with her before starting and ask if that tempo is ok" I didn't get in trouble :) .... woohooo, not my class... it was Ari's... so, yeah it was fun!

6:31pm: got a job
i sooo got a job today im very excited :P i am a hostess at applebee's , i know weird place for me to be but i dont think i make bad impressions... so hopefully it will all go well... :)

2:03am: i dont hate myself as much , ig et to help a friend learn music theory lol

11:58pm: nothing new
i hate myself

10:15pm: TWO PIECES
I HATE LIVING I HATE THIS PART OF MYSELF
I seem to have two halves.
WHEN I have one simple moment of extreme happiness
I seem to fall apart and die in two minutes.
I become so depressed I get out a knife

I don't necessarily cut I just get it out I look at it
I ponder my death.
My existence.


Living without a soul
Or forgetting where it is
Is one of the most horrible feelings

You wonder where it walked to
Why it left you

A soul dying and struggling
You can see it writhe on the floor beneath you

I wish I could be one person instead of two.
But I don't think I'll ever achieve that perfection.

9:20pm: I wanted to submit this but couldn't
The shimmering trees praise sleet of lacquered sapphire
They've laughed against the once-starked mighty winter
A gaze found a winter-chilled hillside drunk above morning's desire
With waves of whiteness softly hangs the vitreous sun

1:23pm: A kiss upon the cheek so sweet
To live or not to live
A brush against the face
a mutual thanksgiving
Misgivings await the dawn of time

Screaming in hysteria
I lie upon this table
An offering for the dying
The living need no help to kill
Slicing through the faces
of an opportune prey

To kiss the beloved with poison
Would be too painful for both
To stop the beast bewildered
In the night of light
Crying for despair, chasing away love's scare

Crying in restless peace
Tying a knot of hair to a silver chain
Tears hang down in disbelief and doubt
Waiting to escape the broken soul

12:40pm: broken hearted
eh... I know not what to do.... *sigh*

4:38pm: I'm flunking voice class yay... I won't sing with accompaniment, I'm very not used to it...s o yeah... oh well.... F for me so I'm withdrawing this week :P fun stuff



oh yeah please shoot me

11:37pm: Hi guys.! went to a weird concert tonight.... for amnesty international... it was atris, the guy singing performed like girlish and performed like he was in front of 50,000 it was weird... anywayz, it wasn' tthat bad. he could be the pope........ so my classes are as follows:
Ear Training 1
Writing Skills (music notation)
Voice Class Instrumentalists
Intro to Music Tech
Harmony 1
Rhythm Section Ensemble
Private Instruction
Keyboard Lab- Comping 1
Keyboard Lab- Comping 2

tada nine classes! it's gonna be awesome i'm very excited.. oh and i'm considered 2nd semester...

10:08pm: We had orientation today it was cool.... not really.... but anywayz. for any fantasy readers out there Ambers and Ashes is the greatest novel ever.... it's about this chick Mina who is my age and she is seduced by the Lord of Death, Chemosh... It's by Margaret Weis which is one of Salvatore's favorite authors and I know why.... she is awesome....My roomates play Alto sax and the nyckelharpa... which is like a violin except theres buttons on the side. it's freaking amazing....so, I had meetings from 13:15 til like 21:00 with a dinner break for two hours....... but stillt hat's alot... I am supposed to have like 7-9 classes this semester....also, the people here are amazing. I'm finally in a place where no one questions me about my armband. Berklee is awesome... I'm so glad I'm a part of this school. I have my audition tomorrow at 11:30 yay after that I have a free day.... and I have to battle the bursar;s office....*sigh* I'm finally home

10:07pm: BERKLEE I'm finally here!
DUUUUDE Berklee is amazing!!! I love it ... it's amazing, we ate at Ciao Bella which is a very expensive restaurant.... Sooooo.... tonight I had my first musical experience with a fellow musician.... wwe were all hanging out then me and bronwyn and a bunch of people i didn't know.....and what not.... anywayz, we went to hang out with this guitarist friend and I ended up with Matt their roommate....so we went tot he basement used teh crappy pianos they had down there unforutnately, and then we listened to each other's musicality and then wrote a kickass song about zombies..... it was awesome he sings and it was weird... then we got stuck in the elevator for like 15 minutes, then we did the coolest thing ever and worked on teh zombie song and exited the elevator...mwahahaha then we went back to my dorm and he wasn't allowed in and i gave him an illegal copy of nightwish... mwahahaha and that was my first day at berklee

1:39am: I am broken
I walk among the broken
I live among the torn
The confusion mangled in my brain
Will only die if it is tamed
I lack understanding
The dye of death
Colors my salted wounds

BROKEN AM I
BROKEN I LIE
DYING IN THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA
TO FINALLY DISCOVER THE LIFE
I LEFT BEHIND WITH ME

Shred me to pieces I shall rest forever
Cut me inside I will burn again
Love me and I will hurt you and your brother

Lusting after the ego and waiting for the dawn
Sleeping with the night til this day be done.

2:31am: poor kyle
K2WWJD: what?
K2WWJD: come off it will ya
K2WWJD: quit shutting down on people
christiangoth173: u dont seem to be responding to my comment
K2WWJD: ok
K2WWJD: so
K2WWJD: this gives you the notion to say that to people
K2WWJD: telling what other people are thinking
K2WWJD: putting words in their mouth
christiangoth173: no
christiangoth173: my aplogies never seem to help so id ont know what u want, it take s me a long time to change
K2WWJD: no apologizes do help
K2WWJD: just not when you keep doing the same thing over and over and over again
christiangoth173: exactly
christiangoth173: so dont put it up with it
K2WWJD: exactly?
K2WWJD: I wouldn't if I didn't care
K2WWJD: but I do
christiangoth173: so?
christiangoth173: i dont understand
K2WWJD: I care enough about you to put up with you constantly shutting down, dumping on others, and being a generally and all around malcontent. You need a serious happy meal and a smile
christiangoth173: rofl
christiangoth173: wow that was strange
christiangoth173: and ur gona give me this "happy meal?"
K2WWJD: nope
K2WWJD: just saying you need one

7:08pm:
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,
source:ca80.lehman.cuny.edu/.../
images/fallen_angel.jpg


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

7:02pm:
I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm
concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.

Trying to find source, will be posted ASAP.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

4:25pm: Love Does not Exist Here
People walk past
As I die inside...
People come to slit me up
People go to sell the blood...

Withering inside
A piece of me cuts around the slime
Stabbing into corners
Waiting for the reservior to fill

SCREAMS enlighten my pains
Kill me
Because love does not exist here

Love does not folow me
Love does not take care of me
Love is not existing in this poor life
That I unfortunately am cursed to call me.

8:46pm: I found this song very appropriate.... so I decided to share since it's not a popular song as far as I know...

Brick by Ben Folds

Six a.m. day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb

Up the stairs to her apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out

And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before

She's a brick and I'm drownin' slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drownin' slowly

They call her name at seven-thirty
I pace around the parking lot
And I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got

Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Then she ever has before

She's a brick and I'm drownin' slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drownin' slowly

As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine
They told me, "Son it's time to tell the truth," and
She broke down and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying

Driving back to her apartment
For the moment we're alone
Yeah she's alone
And I'm alone
Now I know it

She's a brick and I'm drownin' slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drownin' slowly

3:39pm: I forgot how much I love lithuanian pop! It's so great. I don't know if it's pop exactly it's like club music but with a good melody. Tell me what you think guys!

10:24am: "Take this Pain"
I wrote these lyrics a long time ago with a friend, it was for emo so be lenient!

Everything is here
Everything is gone
Can you feel the wanting pain inside?
Feel my heart
Can you kiss my hand goodnight?
Feel the pain, hurting inside
Kiss the pain goodbye

Everything is dead
And nothing is free
Life has taken me to die
Kiss me ' til I'm free
Let me be alone in this
Hold me 'til I cry

Can you feel my pain inside?
Can you feel me?

Everything has come
Everything has left
This life has turned me inside out
Kiss this life
Life unturned, brought out again
Feel this life burning inside
Feel my icy heart.

Can you hear?
Can you see?
Can you feel me?
Kiss me 'til I die
Can you hear?
Can you see (everything)?
Take this pain
Away from me.

9:14pm:

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex	MaleFemaleYES PLEASE!UndecidedBothNeither
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!