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Death Says Yes Here

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11th August 2011

8:36am: So, the girls education plans have been sent in. And the girls are finally home! Just to leave for another trip on Saturday. Oh well. They'll be back.

The lioness and the Little One have been quite awesome lately. The Lioness asked if she has to take math in homeschool and I told her well, no not as a class, but math is everywhere. The Little One speaks up and says, I know It's so annoying. She pulls a carrot out of her dinner that's broken and she says, this is a fraction!!

Unschooling Convention is coming up as well for four days, I'm looking forward to that and finding the girls classes. :) The Lioness and I had a talk and she understands that she can call me Aunt in front of other homeschoolers, or just tell them that I'm her parents' partner. Hopefully that will go okay.

Generally though, it is the older generations who have a hard time with the polyamorous family thing.

I'm hoping that during the de-schooling process, the kids are going to not be so bored. They'll be bored for a little while I know, but I just hope it is not extensive for them.

They are starting to plan their own schedules to try to figure out what they're going to do! That's exciting. They are now in control of their lives and they aren't quite sure what they're going to do with it, but they'll get there.

3rd August 2011

9:37am: Girls are still gone :(
The Girls are still gone. I miss them so much! The older one has a balloon spider. It was so cute, and now she's scared it's going to pop. She tends to get cute and anxious when she is protecting something.

I miss them sooooo much!!!

What I have noticed is how lonely I am with my partners without the kids. It's very interesting. It makes me more anxious and nervous when they aren't here.

In some ways it's nice to have the "freedom," but it really isn't helping anything.

I can't wait til we tell them they aren't going back to school! They still don't know yet, and the Little One might be sort of upset. But, it really is going to be the best thing for her! She is a very kinesthetic spatial learner. I can't wait to see what she creates! She is such a fantastic artist!

The older one, the Lioness, is signed up for a thing called Earth School. I hope she enjoys it. :)

I'm so excited, but so nervous, and so lonely!!! I don't like it when they're gone this long. Last year they were gone for a full 3 weeks and the three of us just about lost our minds!!! Children aren't just the future, they're the present! They have so many abilities NOW! And that's a big basis for homeschooling!

The kids are mature enough, knowledgeable enough, because the gods gave them the ability to be that way, not the schools or the institutions. Sorry for the rant, but sometimes I just like saying it.

May the Goddess bring them back to us
Safe and happy and healthy
Ready to take life in
And begin their journey
Of knowing Themselves.

So Mote it Be.
Current Mood: lonely

1st August 2011

10:19am: Well, the girls are at their Grammy's for a week.

Even at my young age, I have some maternal instinct. It's very hard for all of us when the girls leave for so long. There's not a lot for me to do when I'm here without them. Homeschool will be starting soon as well. I'm looking forward to their new adventures, but am also quite nervous about what we're going to be doing and how. I want to make sure they're preoccupied, but also allow them to be bored for a while. I am trying to let go of my will to tell them what to do and how to be and what to learn. But in the end the three of us are going to have to do this together.

I have been inspired by Avatar: The Last Airbender and John Taylor Gatto and John Holt.

I have been delving into Wicca, and it is a beautiful place to be in. Avatar is pretty deep for a kid's show. And that's what makes it awesome. The characters are great and it gives me a connected sense of Wicca that I don't really have with anything else.

Avatar and Energy Work by Robert Bruce have given me thoughts on how to heal myself with Energy work. Though I am a massage therapist I typically do not use energy work. I would love to work with the girls on some energy work. Their mother is a Reiki I and she uses it in the house and at work. Though I haven't read all of Energy Work by Robert Bruce, I have read some of his energy ideas in Astral Dynamics.

If you use the kinesthetic sense (thus named in the Alexander Technique) you can heal just about anything in the body quickly and efficiently. Before doing this work I casted a circle and lied down in the circle. Then with my kinesthetic sense brought the energy I felt in my feet up to my elbow. My elbow was very tender around the ligaments and tendons of the extensors and the triceps around the medial epicondyle. After redirecting my energy around the elbow and seeing it as a ball of light wrapping around the pain in my ligaments, the pain subsided and my elbow is MUCH MUCH better. This whole process took about maybe 15 minutes.

It was very simple, and very effective.

29th July 2011

7:51pm: My New Life
I am a polyamorous 24 year old female, with two partners who are legally married to one another with two children. I have a BM in Composition from Berklee College of Music, and a diploma from Cortiva Institute in Massage Therapy. I am a licensed massage therapist in the state of Massachusetts. I am also two letters from the superintendent away from homeschooling a 13 year old and an 8 year old, both girls. I might be 24, but they are my girls.

I'm a little gothy and a little frustrated with the world and myself in the world. However, my life has never been so good and so happy and so open.

I am delving into Wicca and the Unschooling philosophy. I am healing old wounds and surviving myself.

I have been reading John Holt and John Taylor Gatto. Please read any of their books, it will open your eyes to the fact that, you weren't wrong after all...
Current Mood: calm

1st November 2006

10:47pm: Doesn't it fucking suck when you want someone and can't have them? It's very frustrating.

25th October 2006

You scored as Hel.






























Which Norse God or Goddess are you most like?
created with QuizFarm.com

3rd September 2006

9:42am: I am tired :( My day of work has yet to begun. The apartment's still a mess, and we need furniture :( I have no counter space. But last night we had tacos. Tacos are good to have with no counter space. So, we had tacos. I have a new counsellor. She's nice. I miss my other one though because he was there through a bad part in time for me. But, I guess life just sucks that way. And I haven't fully set up my space kinda thing. So, yeah after work that's what we have to do.
Current Mood: tired

2nd June 2006

1:59pm: Hideous amounts of nothing
lying around
this earth made of dead bodies
and nothing else

dying muse of light
this earth reeks of bright

crying over pools of water
making life reach this slaughter

reach out to death's caress
the nakedness of the end

make love to the darkness inside
be one with it in fleeting light

5th April 2006

12:47am: duuuude..... we so performed invader zim theme song today... doomy epic piano with two distorted guitars :) nah the piano sucked... actually what happened was i started late ... and anyhow, i got it together and all but afterwards, the teacher was like "Ari you need to make check the tempo with her before starting and ask if that tempo is ok" I didn't get in trouble :) .... woohooo, not my class... it was Ari's... so, yeah it was fun!

31st March 2006

6:31pm: got a job
i sooo got a job today im very excited :P i am a hostess at applebee's , i know weird place for me to be but i dont think i make bad impressions... so hopefully it will all go well... :)

27th March 2006

2:03am: i dont hate myself as much , ig et to help a friend learn music theory lol

26th March 2006

11:58pm: nothing new
i hate myself
Current Mood: annoyed

6th January 2006

10:15pm: TWO PIECES
I seem to have two halves.
WHEN I have one simple moment of extreme happiness
I seem to fall apart and die in two minutes.
I become so depressed I get out a knife

I don't necessarily cut I just get it out I look at it
I ponder my death.
My existence.

Living without a soul
Or forgetting where it is
Is one of the most horrible feelings

You wonder where it walked to
Why it left you

A soul dying and struggling
You can see it writhe on the floor beneath you

I wish I could be one person instead of two.
But I don't think I'll ever achieve that perfection.
Current Mood: depressed

23rd November 2005

9:20pm: I wanted to submit this but couldn't
The shimmering trees praise sleet of lacquered sapphire
They've laughed against the once-starked mighty winter
A gaze found a winter-chilled hillside drunk above morning's desire
With waves of whiteness softly hangs the vitreous sun

24th October 2005

1:23pm: A kiss upon the cheek so sweet
To live or not to live
A brush against the face
a mutual thanksgiving
Misgivings await the dawn of time

Screaming in hysteria
I lie upon this table
An offering for the dying
The living need no help to kill
Slicing through the faces
of an opportune prey

To kiss the beloved with poison
Would be too painful for both
To stop the beast bewildered
In the night of light
Crying for despair, chasing away love's scare

Crying in restless peace
Tying a knot of hair to a silver chain
Tears hang down in disbelief and doubt
Waiting to escape the broken soul
Current Mood: artistic
12:40pm: broken hearted
eh... I know not what to do.... *sigh*
Current Mood: depressed

27th September 2005

4:38pm: I'm flunking voice class yay... I won't sing with accompaniment, I'm very not used to it...s o yeah... oh well.... F for me so I'm withdrawing this week :P fun stuff

oh yeah please shoot me
Current Mood: happy

10th September 2005

11:37pm: Hi guys.! went to a weird concert tonight.... for amnesty international... it was atris, the guy singing performed like girlish and performed like he was in front of 50,000 it was weird... anywayz, it wasn' tthat bad. he could be the pope........ so my classes are as follows:
Ear Training 1
Writing Skills (music notation)
Voice Class Instrumentalists
Intro to Music Tech
Harmony 1
Rhythm Section Ensemble
Private Instruction
Keyboard Lab- Comping 1
Keyboard Lab- Comping 2

tada nine classes! it's gonna be awesome i'm very excited.. oh and i'm considered 2nd semester...

5th September 2005

10:08pm: We had orientation today it was cool.... not really.... but anywayz. for any fantasy readers out there Ambers and Ashes is the greatest novel ever.... it's about this chick Mina who is my age and she is seduced by the Lord of Death, Chemosh... It's by Margaret Weis which is one of Salvatore's favorite authors and I know why.... she is awesome....My roomates play Alto sax and the nyckelharpa... which is like a violin except theres buttons on the side. it's freaking amazing....so, I had meetings from 13:15 til like 21:00 with a dinner break for two hours....... but stillt hat's alot... I am supposed to have like 7-9 classes this semester....also, the people here are amazing. I'm finally in a place where no one questions me about my armband. Berklee is awesome... I'm so glad I'm a part of this school. I have my audition tomorrow at 11:30 yay after that I have a free day.... and I have to battle the bursar;s office....*sigh* I'm finally home

4th September 2005

10:07pm: BERKLEE I'm finally here!
DUUUUDE Berklee is amazing!!! I love it ... it's amazing, we ate at Ciao Bella which is a very expensive restaurant.... Sooooo.... tonight I had my first musical experience with a fellow musician.... wwe were all hanging out then me and bronwyn and a bunch of people i didn't know.....and what not.... anywayz, we went to hang out with this guitarist friend and I ended up with Matt their roommate....so we went tot he basement used teh crappy pianos they had down there unforutnately, and then we listened to each other's musicality and then wrote a kickass song about zombies..... it was awesome he sings and it was weird... then we got stuck in the elevator for like 15 minutes, then we did the coolest thing ever and worked on teh zombie song and exited the elevator...mwahahaha then we went back to my dorm and he wasn't allowed in and i gave him an illegal copy of nightwish... mwahahaha and that was my first day at berklee

27th August 2005

1:39am: I am broken
I walk among the broken
I live among the torn
The confusion mangled in my brain
Will only die if it is tamed
I lack understanding
The dye of death
Colors my salted wounds


Shred me to pieces I shall rest forever
Cut me inside I will burn again
Love me and I will hurt you and your brother

Lusting after the ego and waiting for the dawn
Sleeping with the night til this day be done.
Current Mood: aggravated

20th August 2005

2:31am: poor kyle
K2WWJD: what?
K2WWJD: come off it will ya
K2WWJD: quit shutting down on people
christiangoth173: u dont seem to be responding to my comment
K2WWJD: ok
K2WWJD: so
K2WWJD: this gives you the notion to say that to people
K2WWJD: telling what other people are thinking
K2WWJD: putting words in their mouth
christiangoth173: no
christiangoth173: my aplogies never seem to help so id ont know what u want, it take s me a long time to change
K2WWJD: no apologizes do help
K2WWJD: just not when you keep doing the same thing over and over and over again
christiangoth173: exactly
christiangoth173: so dont put it up with it
K2WWJD: exactly?
K2WWJD: I wouldn't if I didn't care
K2WWJD: but I do
christiangoth173: so?
christiangoth173: i dont understand
K2WWJD: I care enough about you to put up with you constantly shutting down, dumping on others, and being a generally and all around malcontent. You need a serious happy meal and a smile
christiangoth173: rofl
christiangoth173: wow that was strange
christiangoth173: and ur gona give me this "happy meal?"
K2WWJD: nope
K2WWJD: just saying you need one
Current Mood: apathetic

17th August 2005

7:08pm: fallen2
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
7:02pm: darkangelic
I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm
concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.

Trying to find source, will be posted ASAP.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

23rd July 2005

4:25pm: Love Does not Exist Here
People walk past
As I die inside...
People come to slit me up
People go to sell the blood...

Withering inside
A piece of me cuts around the slime
Stabbing into corners
Waiting for the reservior to fill

SCREAMS enlighten my pains
Kill me
Because love does not exist here

Love does not folow me
Love does not take care of me
Love is not existing in this poor life
That I unfortunately am cursed to call me.
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